Fairy Tale Short Story Inspired by “Jorinda and Joringel”
Quiet on the Nightingale
Fairy Tale inspired (Jorinda and Joringel)
short story from Dorlana’s collection Supernatural Fairy Tales
Before climbing aboard the Nightingale, a 60-foot yacht, Jake listened for a second to make sure its owner, Richard King, slept. From the cockpit, Jake climbed the stairs to the upper aft deck, and with little effort, he opened the glass door to the enclosed bridge. He had been tailing the millionaire for months and knew this was the necklace’s location.
Jake had never talked to Mr. King but had heard his thoughts about purchasing the diamond and blood-red ruby necklace for his wife. Jake had followed him to restaurants, golf courses and parties, patiently waiting until King’s mind revealed all the details, down to the code on the safe.
He pulled the ski-mask off his face before punching in the numbers. Opening the safe without incident, he reached in and brought out his prize. He didn’t stop to examine it—plenty of time for that later—but stuck it in his pocket, ready for his quick exit. He stopped again to listen and to make sure all was clear.
“Now that wasn’t very nice,” a female voice said.
Startled to a slight stumble, he twisted around to see who had caught him. The silhouette of a woman sitting at the small table, her arms and long legs crossed, came into focus. Why didn’t I hear her? He wondered.
Her voice moved gently, “That’s my necklace.”
Shit. Mrs. King. “This isn’t what it looks like,” he said, buying some time as he weighed his options; running seemed a very good choice at the moment. She might scream, but he already had the loot in his pocket. By the time Mr. King got his wits about him, he would be long gone.
Her thoughts finally sounded in his head: I wish he were here to pinch more than that ruby.
Well, there it was. It wouldn’t be the first time he had used his pretty-boy looks to get out of a situation. But when she stood up—the moonlight shining full-force on her smart face—he doubted she was the type of woman who could easily be swayed by his devilish charms. She reminded him of an elegant movie star from the 1940s like Ingrid Bergman or Lauren Bacall.
She languidly walked over to him, her heels softly echoing on the wood floor. “May I have my necklace back?” She extended her hand gracefully.
Taking a step back, he wondered why he suddenly felt so intimidated. He had known plenty of rich, beautiful women. He needed to take control of the moment and his nerves. In the darkness, the burglar and the wealthy woman stared at each other for a mere second before Jake grabbed her bare shoulders and kissed her hard on the lips. Unexpected fire exploded between them, and he pulled her closer until he embraced her fully. He could feel her hands on his waist, moving slowly down the front of his pants until—
Jake gently pushed her away and had to smile, but he didn’t let go of her arm. He brought her hand up, revealing the necklace.
She shrugged her shoulders and sighed. “Can’t blame a girl for trying.”
He licked his lips tasting the memory of her kiss, her thoughts letting him know she wished she could see all of him. “The Country Club tomorrow night,” he said as he snatched the necklace, gave her a slight nod and left, before he couldn’t pull himself away.
Two Weeks Later
Like some bad movie cliché, he found the note she had left on her pillow:
Dear Jake,
I’m afraid my husband has decided to leave this morning. I couldn’t bear to tell you. Please forgive me. In another lifetime perhaps.
Love,
Jezze
Jake crumbled up the letter wondering how in the hell he’d missed it. Maybe she just pushed it out of her mind because it was too painful.
Love Jezze, she had written.
“Shit,” he said. “I do.” He suddenly found himself playing what if: What if I would have told her I loved her? Would she have stayed? Would she leave her rich husband for a crook? Would she come back with me now if I caught the yacht before it hit open water?
Regret swept over him as he put on his pants, because he had known for a week that she had feelings for him, yet he had said nothing. Let on nothing. Just another stolen treasure. At least that was what he had told himself before that morning. Now the only thing he thought was that he had to get her back.
His Jag hit the highway at sixty-five miles an hour, the windows down, and the air thick with morning. Their hotel/love nest was only a few miles away from the bay, but he couldn’t be sure what time she had actually left his bed. He had fallen asleep some time after midnight. He looked down to see the time, realizing his watch wasn’t in its usual place on his wrist. Must have left it on the nightstand.
As Jake jumped out of the car, he knew he had no idea what he would do if King tried to stop him. He listened as he ran, listened to see if he heard Jezze saying, I’ll miss him so much!
Jake ran up the steps that lead to the ramp and then to the spot where the yacht had been docked. When he realized he was too late, that it was gone, he cursed himself and stomped the pier. Searching his mind for conversations and memories of her thoughts, he plopped down on the steps. Did she say where she lived?
Soon, he decided to leave, promising himself that he would not rest until he found her. He would rummage minds for the slight mention of Mrs. Jezze King. As he stood, someone else’s thoughts blurted inside his head. At first he tried to ignore them, not wanting to listen to another person’s problems. But then, he heard something he just couldn’t ignore…
***
Jezze sat at her vanity brushing her hair as she looked at the newly acquired necklace. She sighed. It entranced her as it sparkled in the glistening sun that streamed in through the porthole. Knowing how difficult it would be to part with, it certainly hadn’t been easy to obtain, she had considered keeping it. So exquisite.
She wiped new tears from her swollen eyes. No, the necklace would only remind her of him. Her buyer had already offered a beautiful price, so she would go on as planned. Maybe she would set sail after the transaction and take a much-needed trip.
She had lived on her yacht for over a year, loving the open water, the smell of the sea and the freedom to travel whenever she became restless. If Richard King had not docked his yacht in the same water as hers, her life would be so less complicated. If she had gone on home that night when she heard Jake coming after her necklace, things would have been so less complicated. If she would have just let him take the necklace without trying to seduce it out of him…
She doubted Jake even knew others like him existed, others who had superior control over their gift. She had learned to listen for other mind-readers years before and trained herself to stop her own thoughts at the first sign.
She had been getting ready to go home that night, when she had heard him. Mistaking her for Mrs. King had just been a crazy break; there was a real Mrs. King, somewhere, but it wasn’t her. It had been kind of fun pretending to be the adulteress, instead of the other woman.
Jezze unlatched the necklace from around her neck and put it back in its black box. Stop crying Jezze. This is just how it has to be. She never expected to fall in love with Jake for real. Over the past two weeks she had searched for signs of mutual admiration but found nothing.
“I think you have something that belongs to me.”
She held her breath and swung her attention to the familiar voice. Richard King stood at her door. Lost in her own thoughts Jezze must have missed his. “Sweetheart,” she sang. “I thought you left.” She stood up cautiously. She could certainly read his thoughts now…
Mr. King was a fairly tall man, but the way he stood there, his chest heaving in and out and his teeth clenched, he appeared monstrous as he growled, “Did I not treat you well? Did I not give you enough money for your services? You were good, but not fifty-thousand dollars good.”
She put her hair behind her ears, feeling the tremor of her hands. “Why are you so upset, handsome? What happened?”
“Don’t play games with me. Give back my necklace, and I’ll be on my way. I don’t want the publicity for being with a woman like you any more than you want jail time.”
“I didn’t steal your necklace. Just leave before I call the cops and have you arrested for trespassing.”
“You bitch!” He raced toward her.
Before Jezze knew what had happened, she was staring up at the ceiling, King’s handprint-sting across her face. He stood over her and drew back his fist.
She tightened her body for the blow, when King suddenly flew across the room and landed on her vanity with a crash. She sat up, tears blurring her view. Jake stood over Richard, daring him to move. They all noticed the necklace at the same time, out of the box and on the floor.
“Don’t even think about it,” Jake told King. “By the looks of you, I don’t think fifty grand is payment enough.”
King sat up, still eyeing his necklace.
Jake continued, “Just collect your insurance, lick your wounded ego, and you’ll be fine. Now get the hell out of here.”
Jezze chose to ignore King’s thoughts of justice and revenge as he walked out the door. She also decided not to focus on what Jake must have thought of her. “Thank you,” she said to him, unable to look him in the eyes. “How did you know where to find me?”
“After I found the Dear John, I came looking for you. I heard King coming after you, and then I heard you thinking. I heard everything… I know everything.”
“Just take it; I don’t want it.”
“I’d rather have you,” he said. “The only thing I heard that matters to me is that you love me.”
She found his sincere stare and listened to the thoughts he fed her. That’s why I was looking for you. To tell you, I love you.
She smiled and jumped into his arms, giving him tiny kisses all over his face until their lips met. After a silent conversation, they separated and began removing their clothes.
“Hey,” Jake said, looking on the floor at the mess from the vanity. “Is that my watch?”
The End
Supernatural Fairy Tales by Dorlana Vann
Supernatural Fairy Tales eBook will be free May 30 – June 1, 2014.
Fairy tale inspired paranormal short stories.
fairy tale + paranormal element = supernatural fairy tale.
These 9 Supernatural Fairy Tales are not retellings of the original fairy tales but were inspired by them. They are paranormal themed stories about vampires, ghosts, mermaids, witches, and more, in genres ranging from romance to thriller. And fair warning: they don’t always have a happy ending.
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Two Years of my Writing Journey
It seems crazy but it’s been a little over two years since I started this blog. My first blog was aimed mostly towards using fairy tales as inspiration for stories, but when I started this blog I wanted it to be more about my adventures in writing as a whole – which doesn’t always include fairy tales.
Below are 16 posts sparked by the last two years of my writing journey – pretty much in descending order – during which time, I finished my children’s book for my little boy and wrote two books of a three-book romance series. ( I hope to be able to officially introduce them soon.)
Love and Laughter,
Dorlana 🙂
Don’t Take Critiques at Face Value
How to Defeat Writers Block with Lies and Deceit
You Know You’re Addicted to Writing When …
Book 1 vs. Book 2: The Tortoise and the Hare
The Second Draft is Country Music
The Third Draft is an Empty Tube of Toothpaste
Concept, Characters, and Then Story. Oh …
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Free eBook: Ghosts, Mystery, & Fashion
Jaclyn’s Ghost will be free
April 11, 2014 – April 15, 2014
Jaclyn’s Ghost by Dorlana Vann
Ghosts, Mystery, and Fashion. Can this diva solve her own murder, or will she be stuck in limbo forever?
After recovering from the shock of seeing her own dead body, (still dressed to kill from last night’s party) fashion model, Jaclyn Jade, discovers she’s a ghost with a choice. She can either immediately go back to Hell, do nothing and stay in limbo, or find the reason she fell short of grace and advance to Heaven.
Because she was murdered, Jaclyn hopes that finding her killer will unravel this mystery. With the help of a timid closet-psychic who can speak to the dead, and a handsome, yet arrogant, ghost of a man from the roaring 20s, her search for answers initiates a quirky journey of self-discovery. Personalities, eras, and worlds collide as this mismatched trio race against time to solve the mystery of Jaclyn’s Ghost.
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Fairy Tale Inspired Poem
Can you guess the fairy tale?
Destiny
By
Dorlana Vann
A bequeathed curse placed upon a kingdom.
A century of thorns and valiant deaths.
A beautiful rose dreams of love’s freedom.
Without a mere glimpse he pursues his quest.
Fate leads the way and parts the tangled briar.
Gently he walks through a city at rest.
Destiny sleeps deep in a dark tower.
One second to see, one second to yearn.
Love’s sweet ache impels a kiss of power.
When their lips touch the intense passion burns.
The clouds move away to reveal the sun.
Happily ever after, soon they’d learn.
After a hundred years, all has undone.
A bequeathed curse lifted from a kingdom
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I Forgot to “Save the Cat”
After getting comments back on my work-in-progress from a critique partner, it was clear that she hated my main character to the core. Of course, I defended my reasons as to why I had given her a Scrooge personality. For one, she is actually the antagonist in the first book so I had to stay true to her character; and two, I thought I had managed a deep character arc.
Then I received comments from a second critique partner. She didn’t show such disdain, but still she’d marked certain places where the character made her feel uncomfortable and where she’d thought she’d gone too far … pretty much saying the character was mean.
I had spent a year with this character (on just this book) and it was hard to think about making drastic changes. But I had no choice but to really pay attention now. So the first thing I did was just add an extra clear “remorse scene,” one where the MC poured her heart out saying how sorry she was for all her wrong-doings.
I was satisfied with that for a little while, but my nagging brain wouldn’t let it be. I knew it wasn’t enough. *Sigh* The character was the heroine, not the antagonist anymore, and even though she was feisty, tough, and determined, I also had to make her likable. So I went through the novel, softening her up where needed and only having her feistiness appear as reactions to situations.
But I still had this feeling that something was missing. Finally, during the rewrite, a writing concept I had forgotten all about popped into my mind: Save the Cat. If you are a writer, you have probably heard the term. It is a concept and the name of screenwriter’s how-to book by Blake Snyder http://www.amazon.com/Save-Last-Book-Screenwriting-Youll/dp/1932907009
Here is the writing rule from the book Save the Cat: “The hero has to do something when we meet him so that we like him and want him to win. A screenwriter must be mindful of getting the audience ‘in sync’ with the plight of the hero from the very start”
Even though this information is in a screenwriter’s book, I think it applies to novels too. It makes sense and it certainly applied to my story. Even though I was fixing the character in later chapters, I needed that initial scene so that the readers would sympathize with her immediately. It didn’t take me long to find the obvious spot for this in my first chapter. (A shout out to my honest and tough critique partners!)
I wrote down the three little words and posted it to my bulletin board with my other two important writing reminders: “Emotion, Thought, Decision” and “A scene is never about what a scene is about.” It will sure save a lot of grief and time if I remember to “Save the Cat” before I start writing my next rough draft.
Love and Laughter,
Dorlana
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Passage to Queen Mesentia – chapter excerpt – Ben’s Story
The memories of what had happened in the park faded a little more with each passing minute. Now that they sat in a normal setting—no darkness, no guns being pointed at them, and their lives no longer in danger—thinking Ben an actual vampire seemed absurd. Wade had no doubt that Ben believed it; he had the fake accent, the long dark coat, he only went places at night, and he went around biting people… Wade couldn’t believe he’d bought into what this lunatic had said. Worse, since the beginning of the crazy conversation, Wade had watched Lilly’s reactions. Obviously, she thought Ben was the best thing since King Tut.
Ben appeared larger than normal in the tiny booth. He leaned forward, his bent arms the length of the table, holding eye contact with Lilly. “I realize what this must sound like,” Ben said.
“He’s delusional,” Wade said. “He’s probably some mental patient who—” he stopped because Ben had his knife. He hadn’t seen him take it. “Hey, watch it there!” Wade instinctively put his arm in front of Lilly.
Ben paid no mind, but proceeded to open the knife and then slice his own wrist. Both Wade and Lilly gasped and sat back in the seat. Wade waited for the blood to pour out of the large open wound but none came, and it completely healed in less than five seconds.
“Whoa,” Wade said. “Let’s go… now!” He grabbed Lilly’s arm and started moving out of the booth, but she sat firm.
Ben said, “I apologize for having to use such crude measures to demonstrate my truth. It is important to me that you believe what I have said. I assure you, Lillian, you are not in any danger from me.” He closed the knife and slid it across the table to Wade.
Wade hesitated for a second but then grabbed the knife and put it in his pants pocket before Ben got any more bright ideas. “Why should we think that, you blood-sucker?”
“I am not a vampire. I do not need blood to survive.”
“So that guy in woods?” Wade asked. “Just for fun?”
“I am cursed. I do not feed on human blood. I do grow sharp teeth like a serpent, and I can deliver a deadly poison straight to the blood stream. I did not drink that man’s blood. I only poisoned it. I need nothing to exist. I am not so simple that I can stop feeding and die. If so, I would have ended this torture centuries ago. My curse is immortality, and therefore I can not die.”
“Well what about the sunlight and going everywhere at night?” Wade asked. “If you want to die so bad, how come you don’t just step out into the sun and get it over with.”
“I am extremely nocturnal. During the day, I lose all energy and then consciousness. However, I won’t burst into flames.”
“What if I chopped you up into little pieces? Would that do it?”
“Wade!” Lilly looked at him with her mouth wide open.
“I’m sorry! He’s really freaking me out! I’ll tell you what, Ben, give me your address, and I’ll write down what was on that letter and mail it to you.” Wade grabbed Lilly by the arm. “Come on, I’ve heard and seen enough for a lifetime… a normal person’s lifetime.”
Lilly pulled her arm out of Wade’s grip. “I want to know the rest,” she whispered to Wade. “If you want to go on, I’ll understand.
Wade shook his head at her casualness. Why didn’t she feel the danger, too?
“What happened next?” Lilly asked Ben. “Did you go back to Egypt?”
“I did. By that time, the Hikau Khausut had invaded and war spread from Memphis to the sea. For years, I did my best to search for Mesentia’s tomb. However, in my younger years, I proved careless and rumors had begun to spread about me. I refused to be chained again. Reluctantly, I had to leave without finding her, but vowed I would return.”
Wade said, “All right, fine. Tell me what all this grandeur has to do with us? Why should we give a shit if you get this thing back or not? Lilly’s parents already found that queen you had an affair with.”
“The fate of the world depends on it.”
“The fate of the world…” Wade mocked. “Really? Are you serious? I’m willing to bet that this thing is worth a pretty penny and you conned her parents into believing this ridiculous story.”
“You’re right,” Lilly said. “My parents did believe him. I want to know why. Wade, can we please let him finish?”
Wade said, “For the record, this is against my better judgment. All right, Mr. Sneaky Snake, what happened next? You and Cleopatra get it on, too?” Wade caught anger in Ben’s eyes as he slowly turned from Lilly and glanced his way. He also could have sworn he glimpsed the corner of one of his canines. Right… harmless.
“I lived in West Germany in the 1950’s,” Ben said, his expression mellowing as he talked only to Lilly. “I met a man named Roland Schelsteder. We worked together for many years, and over the hours we began to talk. I trusted him and thought of him as my friend. I would go to his house for dinners with his family; he had two sons.
“One day I shared my story with him. He sympathized with me and kept my secret. So I thought. He was killed some months later. His wife blamed me and called me a monster.”
“At least she got it right,” Wade said.
“I had to flee,” Ben said. “She had threatened to turn me in as a spy. I left Germany and came here to the States. All remained quiet until years later; one of Roland’s sons arrived at my doorstep. Roland had told his wife about me, and then she had told their sons. He wanted answers. I felt a little hesitant, but for his father’s memory, I told him completely about myself and about what happened to his father. He believed me. ”
“We kept in touch; I knew he had made his fortune there in New York with some good investments, until one day—nothing. Years later, he came to call again. He told me he had a proposition and thought perhaps we could retrieve the statuette. I immediately noticed something different. Something in his eyes had changed. When you’ve existed as long as I have, you learn to read people. I knew what he wanted, he wanted to become an immortal like me. When I called him on it, acting interested, I learned his intentions were worse than I had thought. Not only did he want to become like me, he wanted to make others. He wanted to produce an army of immortals.”
“That Pyramidion Statuette can do that?” Lilly asked.
“It is the source of my immortality,” Ben said.
Wade hated that he began to consider all of what Ben had said as possible. He found himself wondering if he actually held the information in his head that could ultimately save the world from doom. He smacked his lips and exhaled before saying, “So… So how did the Stewards end up with it and not Schelsteder?”
Both Lilly and Ben snapped their attention toward Wade. He didn’t want to acknowledge the satisfaction in Ben’s eyes nor the gleam on Lilly’s face, so he looked out into the dining room, like he hadn’t asked.
“I told Schelsteder I wanted no part in his plans. My curse is personal, not a weapon. In the year 2000 I read of Schelsteder’s investments in Egypt. I knew then he searched for Mesentia. I followed him there and learned he had found someone to dig for him in Saqqara, your parents’ university. I met with your parents and told them my story, as I have told you. They assured me that they would return the statuette to me.
“I was so pleased when they found Mesentia, nevertheless, apprehensive at the same time. When your parents found the Pyramidion Statuette in the canopic jar, exactly like I had told them it would be, it erased any doubt they may have had about me.”
Lilly said, “So they didn’t put the statuette with the rest of the find. They put it back for you?” Her eyes grew with excitement. “Schelsteder knew it was supposed to be there, so when it wasn’t…”
“He will stop at nothing to build this army of invincible men. Time is of the utmost importance. I must find it, before he does.”
Lilly turned to Wade. “Will you tell us now? Will you tell us what was in that letter? Did it say where it was?”
“Yeah,” Wade growled. He knew Lilly wouldn’t say goodbye to Ben and let him be on his way to find the little pyramid statue all by his lonesome. She would go off alone with this freak with no one to protect her. “Yeah, it said.” He sighed. “Looks like we’re all going to Egypt.”
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The Supernatural Fairy Tale Writing Challenge
One of the search terms used to find this site is fairy tale story ideas. I’ve been using fairy tales as inspiration for many years. I like using the formula: fairy tale + paranormal element = supernatural fairy tale. Sometimes I even give myself an extra challenge to help inspire me; a certain genre, a picture, fairy tale moral, etc.
Some years ago (about 7) I started a blog called Supernatural Fairy Tales. One of the things I used it for was to challenge myself. At the beginning of the month I would announce my supernatural fairy tale challenge, and by the end of the month, I had my short story posted. As a result I have two fairy tale novels (which were based on my short stories) and over 20 short stories – 9 of which I loved and published as a collection, and lots of poems.
I thought it might be fun to share these story starters with others who are interested in a writing challenge. And where better than where my fairy tale journey began – on my blog, Supernatural Fairy Tales – which has sat patiently awaiting my return.
There are three number generators: one to pick your fairy tale, one to pick your paranormal element, and one to pick an extra little challenge – just follow the links to your picks and then let your imagination take it from there.
I used it myself and this is my story starter: Fairy Tale: The Fisherman and His Wife – Paranormal Element: Witch/Warlock – Extra Challenge: Genre Steampunk. This ought to be interesting…
Love and Laughter,
Dorlana
Dorlana Vann - Author 